Does Therapy Make Sense for Me?

Research suggests not everyone needs therapy — but everyone needs some mental health support. You might do fine with social support from friends and family or the peer support of people who know what you’re experiencing.

You may be better served by the professional guidance and individualized treatment a therapist can provide.

Therapists are trained to spot and help you spot the subtle patterns of thought and behavior that most people commonly miss.

So, therapy is broadly aimed at addressing root “problems” (like the fact you can’t share your feelings), while social support is broadly aimed at clearing away “symptoms” (like that feeling of no one understanding you). Neither is better or worse than the other — it’s simply a matter of what type of support you need most right now.

How do I know if I need therapy?

The only way to know for sure is to test one. There are so many variables (social, cultural, familial, neurological, etc.) that it’s impossible to predict precisely how you’ll react to either. Try this one first, whichever sounds more effective or comfortable.

However, there are cases where formal mental health treatment is advised. Check for any of them below to see if they apply to you.

You may need therapy if your symptoms are affecting your ability to function

Illustrates when a mental illness prevents us from being ourselves; the most is when it stops us from normal emotions, thoughts, and behaviors and the clear need for professional treatment. A therapist has training to help when your mental health changes results in symptoms such as:

• Leading to social withdrawal and relationship difficulties

• Difficulty sleeping

• Doing poorly at school or work

• Struggling with addictions or eating disorders

• Experiencing depression, anxiety, hopelessness, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

• Having thoughts of hurting yourself or others ·

Mental health crisis support: Symptoms can be so powerful that you’re experiencing a mental health crisis — and need treatment immediately. If you or someone you know needs immediate help, the Crisis Text Line is also available. The National Alliance on Mental Illness offers additional support.

You may need therapy if your symptoms are affecting your ability to function.

It’s exasperating when we sense ourselves deteriorating, even when we strive to heal. And if you are increasingly frustrated and overwhelmed, lost, misunderstood, or hopeless, your support circle is not equipped to help. Mental health professionals can provide support or direct you to it.

You may need therapy if you’re experiencing a challenging life event or will soon.

While peer support is certainly helpful during life events, therapy helps treat or prevent serious mental health side effects that these events may trigger.

Things like breakups, family trouble, illness, moving, changing careers, or losing a loved one are often accompanied by stress, anxiety, grief, or depression. Especially if you haven’t had this sort of thing happen, you might want to go to a therapist to help yourself process what’s happened and heal.

If loved ones are involved, couples therapy or family therapy can offer support for everyone simultaneously.

What if therapy doesn’t work for me?

Most people find therapy enormously helpful, but it’s possible that this is not the right time in your life to be able to do the kind of work therapy requires of you. And even if you decide to try therapy and it’s not for you, you can probably get help elsewhere.

Social support, from peer support groups to life coaching to just leaning on friends or family for everyday emotional support, all provide mental health benefits. Research shows that peer support can even treat conditions such as depression or anxiety as effectively as therapy (sometimes more so).

There are also plenty of ways to give yourself a better shot at making therapy work. It's also useful to reframe how you think about therapy: expectations about what it may accomplish (either low or high) can negatively influence your experience. So, how do we establish healthy expectations for therapy?

Therapy may work better if you go in ready to work hard and don’t expect immediate results.

Believing that thinking therapy will work instantly can be equally dangerous as acting as if it won’t work. Few things can be as frustrating as expecting one outcome and experiencing another. If you’re entering therapy expecting quick results, you might consider how that could shape your experience. How do you wish to respond if you don’t get results quickly? If your expectations go unmet, are you more or less likely to invest the effort and practice necessary to produce results?

As we’ve written before, therapy involves both time and work because rewiring your brain takes time and work. Rewiring can only begin once you know how your brain is wired in the first place, which also takes time and effort. For certain individuals, striving for change may complicate matters rather than facilitate them.

Therapy may work better if you don’t expect instructions for your life.

One of the most basic rules regarding therapists can be one of the most frustrating for patients: Therapists aren’t there to tell you what to do. If you ask the question,

“What should I do?” be prepared for the answer. to get a response along the lines of, “What do you think you should do?” While frustrating, there is an excellent reason therapist are trained to “avoid” this type of question:

• To leap to the crux: Therapists will cringe not at the idea of “Talk it out with your father” but at the prospect of figuring out why you avoid doing that in the first place. Your therapist may recommend that you do something particular to help, but the objective is to help you notice how you react to that. But when it comes down to it, you’re the only person who knows how to fix your problem — your therapist will guide you over the obstacles keeping you from seeing and trying the solution.

• To protect your relationship: Consider how it would feel to think your therapist’s recommendation negatively affected your life. Would you trust them again? Would you even go back?

• To cut the agonizing (and costs): No one can know your life better than you. You don’t want to use your sessions to describe intricate family whatever and bat down suggestions that are, by their nature, ill-informed or that you’ve already attempted.

• Therapists provide strategies and tools for handling your issue so you can be proactive. If you need direct guidance, tell your therapist you want them to take on a more coaching role. While this may be the type of help you require now, you and your therapist must discuss whether this will be a good fit.

Therapy may work better if you are upfront with your needs before and during treatment.

Your time in therapy is not limited to discussing your struggles. You should tell your therapist how therapy is making you feel. Get your therapist up to date on: As soon as you can (and any time your feelings shift), tell your therapist about:

• What do you hope to get out of therapy at this moment

• Any concerns you have about therapy in general

• When something your therapist is doing gets under your skin

• When you don’t feel therapy is doing what you need

Your therapist should welcome this feedback and actively collaborate with you to investigate. If that does not happen, it might be worth trying to find a new therapist or at least a different type of therapy.

Therapy may work better if you are upfront with your needs before and during treatment.

We can rewire our brains in different ways. For instance, you might need a different type of therapy if:

• You are a survivor of trauma

• You are addicted to drugs

• Your priority is relationships

• You are not good for standard talk therapy

And even if none of these scenarios resonate with you, plenty of unique therapy styles exist to explore. It might feel intimidating, but you can become more informed and confident about your options by:

• Reading up on types of therapy

• Asking people if you trust their experience with therapy

• Reaching out to mental health resources in your community

• Talking to a qualified mental health professional

Therapy may work better if you don’t expect your first therapist to be perfect for you.

Finding the right therapist can take a few tries. Your therapist might not be the correct type of therapist, the right approach, or even the right personality for you. Therapy is a collaboration, so you and your therapist should be compatible. If something about your therapist (other than them being useless) isn’t working, try another therapist. A good therapist will know when they’re not well fit and might even refer you to someone better suited for where you are in your journey.

Therapy may work better if you go for yourself, not for others.

You’ll probably get less benefit from therapy if you don’t want to be there. But even if you’re being asked or required to go, treatment can still be effective. In either case, recognize that your therapist is not on anyone’s side but yours. So, irrespective of why anyone else believes you should go or what the conventional narrative surrounding your therapy setup is, you get to shape the way you want to be treated.

Therapy may work better when asked to go by family, friends, or a partner.

You should not feel pressured to go into therapy by trusted individuals. But if someone you typically trust thinks therapy could help you, then you should first discuss it with them. Explain to them how you feel about being asked and your concerns. Listen to their concerns and try to be empathetic. As you speak with them, try to sense whether their problems come from a principle of compassion. If that isn’t how you feel, tell them that, too.

Therapy may work better if you’re required to go by parents, guardians, or the legal system

To be placed in therapy despite your wishes can feel like a collective rejection of you. It can also seem like parents, guardians, or legal authorities are attempting to “fix” you. A good therapist doesn’t want to fix you. They are specially trained not to try to change you. Your therapist is there to guide you through how your mind works and to support you if it’s not working in helpful ways.” Whatever you change will be your decision and your burden.

What if I’m still not sure about therapy?

If there’s no compelling reason to give therapy a shot, that’s perfectly okay. The best way to decide is to ask yourself how you feel about treatment. If you feel as if therapy isn’t for you, you most likely shouldn’t do it now. If you’re willing to give it a try, you probably should. Anyway, you can always change your heart if you feel different.

Connect with Healthy Families Albuquerque for more information on therapy.